I have been working in private practice for many years, often supporting people navigating trauma and eating disorders. Much of this work is longer-term, allowing clients the space to establish safety, build self-compassion, process painful experiences, and develop skills to cope with the here and now. I see this as a privilege to walk alongside them in their journey.
Lately though, I have been reflecting on something often overlooked, which is the importance of therapy ending. Endings in therapy matter, not only when good progress has been made but even when there is more work to do.
For much of my career, the thought of ending therapy stirred strong emotions. My mind would protest and say, “This will feel like rejection. They’ll see it as abandonment. There’s still more work to do.” I was not avoiding the topic of ending entirely, but I often left it parked in the long-term car park, something to deal with another day.
However, I started to wonder
- What if this was undermining their belief in their ability to cope?
- What if staying in therapy allowed them to continue avoiding things?
- What if staying in therapy robbed them of a chance to have a positive relationship ending?
Then, when my mentor invited me to co-author a book chapter on how therapist schemas affect decisions about ending therapy, I realised I needed to practice what I preach. It was time to embody this process myself. Here is what I learned:
Talking about endings is emotional and uncomfortable
But probably more for me than my clients. My heart raced, I felt guilty, and my mind was busy telling me that I was going to undo all the work we had achieved. Yet while many of my clients were sometimes teary or anxious, many recognized that it was time. When we are truly attuned to our clients and their needs, we will bring the discussion of ending up at time when they are more ready to end too.
Including clients gives them autonomy
Most of the time when relationships end, it is a negative experience, one that can be abrupt or one-sided, leaving people feeling powerless and abandoned. In therapy, we can do endings differently. I discovered that naming the ending invited clients to share their fears, express gratitude, to say goodbye and to be active in how the process unfolded.
Endings allow space to grieve
When clients talked about their sadness about therapy ending, it often reflected not only the importance of our relationship but also deeper grief for what was missing in earlier relationships. Staying in therapy indefinitely prevented this grieving process. Ending therapy helped clients to internalize the care they experienced from me and mourn what was absent from their past.
Endings can help clients trust themselves
One of my clients reflected that if we had not worked towards ending, she would have believed that she needed me to cope, rather than trusting in her own capacity to continue. Trusting herself to cope independently was something we had worked on for many years, but it was not until we ended therapy that she truly embodied this belief.
The final session is both hard and beautiful
My experience of endings, and that of my clients, is that it gave a space to reflect, laugh, honour the progress, and say what the relationship had meant. It was raw and vulnerable, but profoundly human. Where appropriate, I gave clients a small gift as a reminder of our work, something tangible to carry forward.
A good ending does not just close therapy, it becomes a living template, showing clients that endings can be safe, mutual, and even strengthening, not just painful. And for us therapists, it is a reminder that letting go is also an act of care.
If I could go back and speak to myself as a new psychologist, I would tell her to talk about endings from the start. I would remind her that therapy has a beginning, a middle, and an end, and that the ending is both sad and a celebration.
Saying goodbye to my clients has been painful, with many tears, but also deeply meaningful. To tell a client, “You can do this” and “I’ll always be with you” is hard but it is an honour. And to my brave clients, I say thank you. You will always be with me.
